"The Right Way To Fail"

Last night I happened to pick up my copy of Experience Life magazine and I found a terrific article related to failure.  One of the highlights of the article was a quote from J.K Rowling the Harry Potter author.  Would you believe that J.K was homeless, jobless and poor in Britain? She stated that the fringe benefit of failing is that it allowed her to be set free.

"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all of my energy into finishing only the work that mattered to me." 
J.K Rowling

One of my personal favorite blogs is by Gretchen Rubin regarding happiness.  I was pleased to see her quoted in this article as well:

"Studies show that novelty and challenge - even though they can make us uncomfortable, frustrated and uneasy - are keys to happiness.  People who have novel experiences - experiences that inherently open them up to a certain amount of failure - are happier than those who stay in a rut." 

End of Exploration Process

I noticed on my Outlook calendar today, that this is the day in which my exploration process would be over.  In other words, the 50 interviews in 90 days would be complete and I would have a good picture of the next step or cause.  This is definitely true. In fact, I would say it became clearer faster than I would have guessed.

Today, is the day I plan to review some of my interview notes, review my spreadsheet and look toward 2010.  Interestingly enough, in many ways I am well into Part II of the process, which is all about finding the opportunity and moving forward.

I would like to take a moment and reflect on the positives of Part I (exploration) as I aggressively move into Part II.  Below is the list of occupations, which were and are of interest:

* Sports Coaches:  These are amazing individuals who sacrifice much of their personal and family lives to impact young people.  Special thanks to the many sports coaches I interviewed and thank you for your "cause"
* Directors of Non-Profits: Your cause could be education, social justice and even baseball for inner city kids.  Thank you for managing your boards, raising dollars and helping create a better life for others.
* Fund Development: You are sales people with a special cause.
* University Professor: Everyone can remember the teacher that inspired their lives.  The ones I spoke with do this every day and make the world better because of their investment.
* Career Services / Coaching / Career Consulting: I put this one in BOLD type because this is where I am heading. I am not sure where or how or when, but this is my next "cause." Helping folks find their next cause.  I am pursuing this because I feel that this is fundamental.  It is important to me.

Instrumental vs. Fundamental

Dan Pink points out that in our career path we make decisions for fundamental and instrumental reasons.  An instrumental reason is made because you think it is going to lead to something else, regardless of whether you enjoy it or not.

You can also do something that is because of a fundamental reason.  A fundamental reason is done because YOU think it is inherently valuable regardless of what it may or may not lead to.
(Reference: The Adventures of Johnny Bunko by Dan Pink)

I have an example in my own path in each category:

Instrumental reason example: Early on in my financial services career, someone encouraged me to go off an get my MBA in Accounting. The idea is that it would open doors and provide flexibility.  I did not really enjoy accounting. I liked the concepts and felt like I was sharpening my sword, but I am not accountant material.  I had in the back of my mind that it would lead to something else.


Fundamental Reason:  I am faced with this today.  Pursuing this idea of helping folks move from A to B in their career process is something I feel is inherently valuable.  I really do not know what it will lead to.

Special Thanks

I have greatly appreciated how various people have a played a part in "pushing" me to go deeper and find a  cause or career, which is more satisfying.

I would like to thank my youngest daughter for calling me out, while on vacation in Michigan.  She looked up at me with her innocent blue/green eyes and said, "Dad, you are kinda grouchy when you come home at night.  I like you more when you are on vacation."

I also want to thank my sales trainer who said, "You seem to like this ok, but it seems like you are trying to convince yourself that you like what you do."

Thus, this journey began and enough was enough.  This has been quite a ride thus far.

Part II Plan

As I shared before, the II phase of the career exploration process is probably not as rewarding as Part I.  Part I allows you to meet everyone and everyone and just listen and learn.  Part II means "brass tacks" and moving toward items such as:

* Personal business plan for my interest in helping others get unstuck
* Reading like crazy
* Obtaining certifications
* Meeting more people
* Oh, I am still in my current position. Did I mention that? Lots left to do there as well.

I shared with a friend yesterday, that I need a break.  It is time to shut down current work and this process for a bit and recharge.  I am looking forward to December 22nd.

"You are making a big mistake"

My mentor who brought me into the business has told me twice within the last two weeks that I was making a big mistake in moving out of my position. Here are my thoughts as it pertains to these remarks:

* If I was living my life for you, then I suppose it would look like I am making a mistake.  It seems like this is about you, not about me.
* If my goal was to be the best financial services professional in the city, then sure I am making a mistake.
* If I did not have a dream of waking up each morning captivated by a cause and a desire to have a career that was an overflow of who I am, then yes I am making a mistake
* Perhaps, I am making a mistake if my goals were different. 

I say to my mentor, "Thank you" Thank you for your investment.  Thank you for your time.  Remember, that your contribution is not in vain, in fact it meant a lot to me.  This is not about you.  This is about me.

"Net"working

For part II of my process, my goal is to meet with 10 people near, in or around the area of higher education. I noticed that my December calendar was empty and today I decided to get after it and email for some meetings.  I will be traveling to Anderson, Kokomo and downtown to meet with some new people in the business.

Why is this important? Well, for one, these conversations, like the one I had today in Franklin, Indiana invigorated my heart.   I heard stories of how this person helped a troubled student move forward with his career plans and get "unstuck" and how he helped the parents relax.  Also, these individuals I meet have pretty big hearts and it gets me excitied about the future.  So, it is true the networking is working and helping me get closer to my dream and the cause.

Remember the dream...

As with any process, it is easy to get distracted, deterred or disappointed.  The last "D" is dream.  It is important to not take my off the "ball" and remember that it is time to dream.  Said another way, it is my vision or my preferred future.  I have a preferred future about how I want to live and work.  I want my work to have life.  I want to have autonomy, mastery and purpose about my work and life.

I dream about words like influence, helping, empowering, teaching, inspiring, motivating, learning, contemplation, love, change, justice and hope.

I love the quote from my friends at www.careerleader.com. "I'm going to have to abandon my dreams, my career vision, for the sake of pragmatism and a job."  



DARE TO DREAM

Unexpected Tribe

Last night was spectacular...A few days ago I met with a university professor in the organizational and leadership development department at a local campus. During the conversation, he invited me to join the faculty as a part time member. I will teach a class in my subject area for now, but will have the option of teaching classes like leadership, ethics and coaching.

I loved the people and the culture. They have big hearts for their subject area and the students. They even have a career services department as a part of the college. So, perhaps this is a good in-road to higher education.

The journey continues.

Deterrent Conversations

I knew it was coming. The last time I entered into a process, where I started dreaming about doing something that I had great interest in I had a conversation that was in many ways a deterrent.

Today, I met with a owner of a coaching organization here in town. He said, "It is a bad time to get into any type of coaching and training position." Another conversation with a mentor that day "Why are you doing this?" Another conversation was "I hope you know fully well what you are leaving at your current position."

This time I was prepared. This time I will not be denied. This time I will continue to pursue this quest for the "Cause" and wake up being able to say "I love what I do" and "Feel like who I am is what I do day to day." or "What I do is an outpouring of my true cause and self."

Thank you for the feedback folks. I will at least consider it or file it away as data. This time it will not deter me from continuing this journey.

Using my virtual board of directors...

I am looking forward to Friday. The reason being is that I get to meet with my Vistage group to obtain some suggestions to help me enter into what I call Phase II of the process. The exploratory interviews are essentially complete and everything is pointing in one general area.

Here is what I need my group:

* Feedback on my journey thus far.

* Help me creating a plan for a February 1st release date

* Contacts for folks in higher education.

I am feeling a bit nervous today.

The Second Job Shadow

I was at the bottom last night emotionally. I was very disappointed because I thought maybe this would be the thing. Today, it was a completely opposite feeling or emotion. I shadowed at a campus career services office. I felt at home. It could be that it was my alma mater, but it was more about the people and the activities I witnessed.

As an analogy after I left my first job shadow, I got a flat tire. I wondered if I was stuck in this process. I was deflated. I attacked the flat tire and the disappointment and kept going.

* I saw the director teach a class regarding the job search, career emphases and networking with passion.
* I was able to help this director with a few ideas on how to teach a networking seminar to a bunch of greek students.
* The staff at this office were people of cause.

The only draw back is that they just filled two positions. Perhaps, I missed this upon my first visit. This is ok because when I first met with them, I did not know enough. Today, the director gave me a few ideas to build my resume and credentials.

Emotionally: My heart is large and feels alive for the first time in a long time. I can see how "Who I am is more about what I do" in this type of role.

First Job Shadow

This was a great experience today. I felt like it so helped me gain a clear understanding of what the position would be like, the culture, the environment, the way folks interact, the work setting and so much more. It was like trying on the suit before the purchase.

I must say I was pretty disappointed after today and that probably had a great deal to do with my expectations going into the day. My expectations were subconscious but there no doubt:

• I thought that the cause would be felt more strongly in my heart and it was not
• I did not expect to feel "trapped" going into the discussion. I think this has to do with the fact that what I would be selling was located inside the actual building. This is where I would be each and every day with little work done outside.
• I did not find a way to counsel / mentor others today. It seemed to be very focused on the goal, which makes total sense
• I did not expect that a development position would require so much project management. Of which I do not like.

Not to sound negative, let's be positive:

• I really like the head person of this location. He is just terrific and would be great to be around.
• I really like the cause of this place. My children go to school here, so let's maybe just let that be sacred and not my profession.
• The people are terrific. It would fine to come in each day and be around these folks.
• I liked telling my own personal story about the school and that felt very real to me. I so want my next position to be more connected to who I am and my story.

The week that was...

During an interview yesterday, the person said and I quote..."My personality does not mesh with the bottom line." She had gained some clarity about herself to the extent that her work in non-profit and for profit reached some clarity. I certainly resonated with this perspective.

The bottom line does not mesh with my personality either. I see myself as a hybrid between needing tangible results and intangible outcomes. I was frustrated with my life in ministry and am now frustrated with my for profit sales goal. Perhaps somewhere in between will be the next gig.

This week I noticed that I was fairly sad. My closest friend is my boss and we are breaking work ties, which is loss for both of us. I think we both set out with some ideas of how this would go and it certainly met those expectations, but it was not for as long as we thought it could be. Not to mention the place I work is full of terrific people full of energy and have been a part of my healing process since leaving the ministry.

Eckhart Tolle

"If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity."

I think this is a great quote and defines a bit of where I am at today in terms of this journey. My confident self loves the idea of the adventure of uncertainty. In fact, it keeps my attention. The parts of me that struggle with uncertainty and anxiety are driven to just find a solution to this uncertainty.

I acknowledge the parts of me that are anxious, fearing failure, longing for someone else to approve of me, wanting to have it all figured out. No sense in trying to get rid of these areas, they are as much a part of me as my confident self.

My confident self knows that I have what it takes and that those other parts of my ego can speak, but not direct my life. I choose to live with uncertainty and choose the adventure of this.

Waving the Magic Wand

Another suggestion by my coach was to wave the "Magic Wand" and come up with the perfect picture of what I would be doing, what I would be making and what I would have in my next career. So here is a brief snapshot of my thoughts, in no particular order just mere stream of consciousness. So maybe there is an order here???

* I would be making six figures
* I would be 1:1 70% of the time
* I would be training 20% of the time
* I would be planning/reading/prepping/training the other 10%
* I would feel like what I am doing is a mere overlap of who I am from the inside out
* I would have a cause that is personal and comes from my own story in some personal way
* I would be pursued by others who are in the same journey and wish to enter into that story
* I would have other opportunities in the next five years to pursue
* I would have autonomy
* I would have tons of variety

Anyone know Harry Potter on a personal basis? Please send me an introduction via Facebook or LinkedIn.

Another Thought

This is a desire of mine or something that I want. I want more of who I am to be a part of what I do. There was a test I took early on before entering into the financial services business and it reviewed the natural and adaptive style. The natural style is of course all about what you do or how you work, which comes pretty naturally.

The adaptive style is sort the forcing of yourself to do certain things that you do not want to do. For example, each and every time I garden I am adapting. I do not enjoy gardening, but I do it cause I gotta. Everyone of us adapts in life and work.

Looking forward to working in my natural style.

The Great Question

I received some great coaching last night. I was asked a few challenging questions to ponder. The first being if there is a financial goal does that mean the cause is not genuine. The initial answer is that non-profit organizations and for profit organizations must generate revenue to maintain and grow.

I think the question causes me to wrestle a bit and wonder why I am in need of a transition. The answer for me is that what I do or the method in which I am helping people is not enough. Typically, the method in which I am helping people is through consulting. "I would recommend you select this plan." The reality is that this is what customers are coming to me to do. Provide me a few options, ask some delving questions to see what their needs are and provide a solution. Typically, this happens during the course of one or two meetings.

I recall stating early on that something was missing in my sales role. The need to go deeper with people's lives and help them make a decision or get unstuck through a counseling / mentoring type role. 

The next step is to find the genuine cause for me, which allows me to pour the methods in which I like to work into that profit or non-profit organization. I cannot wait!

A Cause Not A Job

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a journey for a cause not a job. It seems the minute I begin to think of this as a job search I get discouraged and down. I do feel that this is a search for an opportunity to have my personal cause to intersect with an opportunity to make a living for myself and my family.

I think there are some things about my own story, which could become a cause:
* When I was 7 years old, I was the person in my house who asked my parents if we could help a family in need for Christmas.
* When I was 5 years old, my dad indicated that I was always wanting to share a cracker or snack with him.
* Growing up I was the neighborhood leader. Initiating fun activities and calling my friends over to play an exciting game of hot box.
* In college, I was the person who gathered students together for a Bible study because I felt like it was important.
* I remember very much enjoying 1:1 conversations helping my classmates get unstuck in their lives.

Random thoughts after a tough Monday...

Thoughts from my friend...

I think it is helpful to obtain feedback from friends during a time of exploration. Yesterday, I was able to have lunch with a great friend and former colleague. I just asked the question "When have you seen me come alive, in flow or full of engagement in my work?" Here is what he shared with me:

* I have seen you at your best when you are 1:1 and are able to help others get unstuck in their lives, work or anything else.

* It really does not matter if you are doing IT consulting, ministry or selling insurance you are helping others get from point A to point B

* You seem to do well when you are able to have an engagement with someone that is not defined as forever. 6 - 8 weeks of engagement is strong for you due to your short attention span.

* The Detroit Pistons had a player named Vinny Johnson. He would come in for short periods and provide great energy then sit down. Same thing for you.

I then shared that what I have seen during these interviews is that many people who are considered "caused" have a personal experience or happening that brought them to their cause.

I think this is what I am looking for a sense of sincerity about my work that comes from my own life story. Not someone else's story or cause.

Current emotional state today: encouraged, hopeful, not stuck. As an ISFJ, I long for closure on this. I have roughly 72 days until this project is over.

The layers of what you can know...

I am faced with a decision right now. I realized last night that I was in my head just trying to figure it all out. The reality is that this process of 50 interviews in 90 days will only allow me to obtain answers to the things that are actually knowable. There is always going to be a fair amount of uncertainty. This then creates anxiety.

Also, even when I find this new position, cause or job there will still be pain and hard. I may even be fully engaged, but the hard will still be there. The cause will be too, which provides comfort because then it really feels worth it to me. This creates anxiety too because I probably believe or expect that a life lived with cause could be anxiety free. Yikes, this is an unreal expectation.

A few things I believe that are true here:
* I can find a position or job that has a cause I can connect with
* I can find a position that allows me to coach, mentor, have tangible goals, teach and counsel
* I can find a place that has me engaged for a greater part of my day than the lessor part of my day.
* This is truly a journey. The next big decision will not be my last. It could be just the beginning of getting closer.
* I cannot know it all. There will be uncertainty and this creates anxiety. I can handle it though.

The $ or the Cause or Both

I have great appreciation for entrepreneurs. There is great passion for their business, service model or product. Additionally, the great ones live eat and think about making sure the bottom line is healthy and that revenue is increasing. I have never felt that kind of pressure nor been in their shoes.

I kept thinking that I would eventually develop this same sense of passion within myself. I even thought that something was wrong with me because I was not "wired" that way. The entreprenuerial spirit is one that I do not feel I have in my soul.

I do feel that there is a difference in mission for the for profit and the non-profit. The non-profit keeps its doors open so that it can fulfill its mission. That could be for the arts, the poor, children, education and a host of others. If the goal is not met in the non-profit world the doors shut. If the goal is not met in the business world the doors are shut.

I would like to suggest that the mission does not continue if the doors are shut for the non-profit or the experience is no longer provided. This is true for the for profit too I am sure. I wonder if this is more about the fact that both do have mission, it is whether your heart is engaged in the mission.

Last night, I felt confused and in dispair because I was still trying to grapple and understand the distinction between the two. Perhaps, I just had not put it to rest yet the reason I need to make a transition. The key is the "cause" for me. I will continue the journey. My heart is open. I doubt that it will stop with my next career decision though.

Questions from my coach

I am glad I have a coach holding me accountable and asking me some tough questions regarding my process. There were a few questions that I was challenged with and I wanted to share them:

* What about this current role or job do you need to know before making a decision?

* If you selected this position, where would you be in five years?

* What are you afraid of?

* What other areas do I need to explore or have interest in exploring?

The concern she had was that I would not allow myself the 90 days to fully explore. In other words, if I focus to soon I may be back in a year wondering about "x or y" field or industry.

Good thoughts for sure.

She said it...

I try to not lead folks too much in my interview process. However, this President of a local museum came out and said "This is my cause" The cause being the President of the museum and the integration of education thereto.

It was a thrilling moment for me to hear those words. Sometimes, I think of being "caused" as a more mystical idea vs. a reality. I believe this interview gave me a great deal of hope and she did not realize this at the time, but she provided me some great advice.

1) You are going to get found out in life if you are not "caused" by your work. In other words, life is short love what you do.
2) Those who raise money for non-profits are able to align themselves for a time to the "cause" and the great ones have the "cause" living in their souls
3) It is a great idea to have business acument to run a non-profit. That may seem obvious, but you better have some skills.

Dan Pink: Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose

Check out Dan Pink's latest video regarding motivation and purpose.

Dan Pink Video

Thoughts or feedback...

Mindful Decision-Making

I want to thank Gretchen Rubin for her Happiness Project Tip. She shares that 80% of people aren't passionate about their work. She states that, "You have to know what makes you happy and go after it." This is called mindful decision making.

These last several weeks have been a very intentional time of thinking through how I want to work and imagining myself in those situations. Here are a few of the images I see:

* I see myself sitting across the table in 1:1 in conversations. I am listening. I am engaged. I am thrilled for that human being.

* I see myself coaching a person across the table. The person is listening, responding and is engaged.

* I see myself in a room and I am up front. My heart is racing. I am thrilled to teach and the people are engaged.

* I see my heart getting larger. Kinda like the Grinch when he hears music down in "Whoville"

* I am caused.

* I see needs being met. Some of these are tangible and some of them intangible.

What do you see when you imagine your caused life?

50 Meetings 90 Days 2 Ice Creams

During the next 90 days I will be completing jouranlistic type interviews with 50 people with the intent of learning about their personal cause. I hope to find out what gets them up in the morning and why they do what they do. Yesterday, the person I interviewed spoke of the incredible impact of her school and that is what drew her to raising money for the school. Each day she faces the poossiblility of being rejected and the possibility of gathering funds to move the school from "survival to sustainable"

My observation this week has centered around the fact that someone's life experience draws them into their life of cause. Kudos to this person for allowing herself to be impacted and now wanting to provide others with the chance to be deeply impacted.

Ironically, I went to this high school too and I thank God for it.

Oh and by the way, I had two ice creams today. I felt like I wanted to reward myself and so I did it twice. What a great day? I will pay for it tomorrow.

Exploration

This has been an exciting month. I have started on a new journey regarding my career. I have started to interview 10 people in various careers of interest. Everything from a sports coach to a director of a non-profit organization. Most of the people I have interviewed have been people of "cause." To me a cause is something larger than yourself that invigorates your heart and leads you to invest your time, your dollars and your mind.

A person in fund development shared that the "cause" was the university they raise dollars for. These dollars lead to outstanding student athletes, students and people of cause when they leave. This person shared that her desire is to "find the place where they can be the most impactful on the planet and go do that."

I look forward to sharing more of this with you in the coming months. My desire is to complete this exploration by January 1st 2010.